on finding Mercy

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I thought I was having a dream

At least I thought it was a dream,
And some might think it was a nightmare,
But it wasn’t. When I woke up, it was death
And it was happening. I witnessed it.

I dreamed I saw it,
That it was actual and I was there
And that it was not my death.
It was the death of someone I loved.

It was sort of a shared death,
In that, I was made to see it.
Experience it.
Though I did not recognize it.

And why it came to me,
I don’t really know,
Maybe the Creator up above, thought
I was strong enough to to handle it
To watch it happen.
And so I did.

You may not believe me,
But so help me God, it’s the truth.

Needless to say,
I want to tell you the truth,
From what I saw, death is painful
Very painful.

Even when we die from natural causes.
But from what I can tell
There was nothing natural about it.

I saw first hand, as a body ages
How it breaks down.
I was on the outside looking in
From the outside I was with the body.
It appears to breakdown, like as if
Deteriorated and it melts.

Let permeability be. It like candle wax
And the body turns into little bubbles inside
From solid human to a wasteland.

It’s chaos and it breaks down just enough
So that it does work anymore.
This vision was so hard to watch too.
I cried.

This is a process of death, a phenomena
It concerns the physical and emotional
And in the mind leaves next in rapid succession
One failing part starts another
One breakdown one after another.

It was slow, each stage it takes
It takes it’s time, take it’s toll.

Really that not all it’s financial
And emotional and physical drain.
Your family and people that love suffer
You watching you go through this process.

To look in the mirror and see you failing
Losing heart unable to feel, losing all
Earthly craving.
The pain builds and nobody seems
To understand why
And it seems to you can’t feel better
And yet all desire goes.

Keeping you here is selfish, I know,
But letting go is simply more than
the human spirit can bear.

So eventually I get enough nerve to ask
And I turn to God and I ask,
“Where is mercy”…

He said he shows his mercy,
When He takes your memory So we don’t remember this.

He takes your vision so you don’t have see
what we might be missing or what we leave behind.
And it becomes so painful in the end,
More than you can bear so you no longer feel.

And when it your time, He said,
“Mercy is taking away the will to live
When it your time…I take everything back
To the point there’s nothing left
And then that’s all there is.”

And I don’t know why I was allowed to witness.
I have no idea but what I felt hurt
There is nothing I can do to change it.

Maybe God just thought,
Maybe I just had enough compassion
To understand it.
I don’t know, but now I understand
That the mercy is not in the giving,
But in the taking away.

5 thoughts on “on finding Mercy

  1. A different perspective, heartfelt and honest. Who knows for certain? Someday we will know and understand fully, for now I ask for discernment between what’s really important and what’s not. TY for sharing such beautiful words. I pray for your happiness, safety, and security, my dear Friend, Always. You deserve peace of mind and much much more happiness in your future.

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    • Thank you for your beautiful reply. Life is tough sometimes. Just having a pity party today…tough week. Everyday gets better. Your kindness is overwhelming and I thank you. Love, Catnip

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      • I understand somewhat, raising 6 sisters&4 daughters along with 2 wives, bless their souls. Reach out any time you need to bend an ear or scream. Since becoming an Indian, #IAmAMute, my listening skills are interrupted by my talking. )))

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