Life Above the Mat ~ Dr. McConaughey


Life above the Laundry-O-Mat
At the Suds and Duds,
It can be interesting,
Occasionally, enough.

I live above the Laundry-O-Mat,
Still here, getting fat but not for long,
I hope, waiting for Charles,
To come and carry me or marry me,
Just take me away.

I went to the fat doctor yesterday
He looked like Matt McConaughey hey-hey,
I met him at the mat alright-alright,
He stripped down to his boxers,
Then threw them in to the wash.

“Hey Doctor, what’s up,” I said
Why are you wearing only underwear?”
And he said he had stained his outerwear,
That he had just made a house call,
And had to check the gastric sleeve,
He had installed.

“Hey, Hey Baby,” he said,
‘You are mighty fine If you want to
Drop a load of weight, I can do you,
You can loose a bundle in no time.’

“Sporting a bikini in just two weeks,
Your hot girl, come in for a sleeve,
And I’ll have the guys lined up to Florida,
Maybe I’ll do you too, if you let me.”
And so, I was all over that.

He made it so hard to resist
How could I refuse, when insurance,
Cover the most, so I said, “yes,”
I want to be healthy too,
“But you have to wear clothes…
In here,” I said and we laughed.

I said if you are in trouble,
You can go around looking like that,
The law will shut down the mat,
Go upstairs to my flat and wait.

I don’t mind helping you out,
But give me a discount,
On the gastric sleeve implant.

“What do you think I am,
Your maid or something
Or something like that?

And I don’t need you to stand in line
I wont be one of your house calls,
“I’m not looking for none of that,”
I said. I just want to drop 50 Lbs off.

It’s the first time, I heard of that
I’d never seen anything like it,
But it makes me so happy to be healthy,
And that’s all I know about that.

Life above the Laundry-O-Mat
It ain’t so bad.

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